Finding it hard to read and write

Hello!

So, of late, I’ve been finding it hard to read the books I love and to create stories of my own.  Right now, so many things overwhelm me and it’s like I’ve totally lost interest in anything possible. 

In the past I finished books quite readily: The Harry Potter Series, Chimamanda’s books, etc. However, now I find it hard to finish reading books. Starting is usually not a problem, but then when I read a bit, I stop and move on to another book. The only books I’ve managed to finish recently are “The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s wives”, “Letter to my daughter” and some time ago, “I do not come to you by chance.” 

I don’t know what the problem is, but when I pick up a book it’s like I experience some kind of strange dumbing down and I can’t even enjoy or follow through with it. I suspect, it might be I do not find some of the books interesting, maybe, because for example, I bought Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani’s “I do not come to you by chance” after “The Help” and it’s been two years since I bought the latter book and I’ve still not finished it. But the former, I enjoyed a lot and read the first half in a very short time took a break of about three months and then finished it. But it’ll be wrong to classify the books that way, because while I find so much pleasure in reading the “Diary of Anne Frank”, I’m struggling to finish it. It’s just odd. It might be also, that some books require much more understanding and analyzing (I could say that for ‘The Help’), while others can be easily downed like a cold glass of water on a hot day. So, I really don’t know what my problem is.

(I don’t read a particular genre) Some of the books I pray one day I will be able to finish. There’s still more, but mentioning them might amount to sacrilege. Some people might be shocked and with a smug look on their face say “so you are still reading that book/just reading it/not finished it...etc. Don’t bother guessing...:)

Recently, I’ve even been thinking maybe this whole reading/writing thing is not for me, because I just can’t seem to put pen on paper and I find discussions on writing somehow boring. I envy people that talk about finishing books in a day/in days!!

But I don’t want to conclude too early that writing is not for me, because of that inner yearning I have to really write something. This is probably a phase I’m going through. And I think I’ve also allowed fear to cripple me in so many ways. I have a list of so many things I want to be/ do in my head that I get so caught up in trying to finish everything at once. In between editing my project thesis, I was trying to keep up with “The Diary of Anne Frank” and also enjoy “One day I will write about this place” (which is a good read, by the way). Then somewhere in my mind I was also thinking and worrying over how to be creative with stories and struggled to write bad stories in small jotters. I’m overwhelmed by it all and I’ve set so many targets for myself, I just can’t keep up: Finish reading 10 novels before the year runs out, write many short stories before the year runs out, purchase a new set of books (when I’ve not even finished the ones I have), finish writing a book before my next birthday, search for places to get my internship done and get prepared for interviews, prepare for project defense,  start deciding what school to go for a Masters degree (that’s how I plan, long-term), update my blog more frequently, plan a trip..and a host of other things!!  Humph, it all gets tiring, all the planning and goal setting and I’ve had enough of being so scared and wondering what will happen if I don’t meet these targets.

So, I’ve made a decision. I’m going to take it one step at a time. After all, there’s a time for everything. So, I’m sitting down and trying to draw up a scale of preference and put what’s most important to me now at the forefront of my mind.

It’s all in my head, but now I’ve to put that down in writing.

While I’m trying to find my feet, I’ve decided there’s one thing I must do, which I don’t think I can go wrong with.

Start writing in a journal.

Yes. I used to write in one. A drab looking exercise book, but I think it got stolen or lost or something back in secondary school, then a friend of mine got me a fancy looking journal for my birthday 4 years ago. I wrote in it, but couldn’t keep up. Life/school happened. 

Now, my inspiration to write in a journal is back. I remember stumbling on Tommie’s blog some time ago and I noticed she kept a journal, so I sorta made a mental note to get one and even wrote something like that in her comments section. But I didn’t follow up on that at the time. Most recently, my inspiration really comes from reading the ‘The Diary of Anne Frank’ and I’m thinking, “Gosh, I wish I kept a steady journal from when I was twelve years old, just like Anne”. She reminds me of myself a lot. I’m reading her diary and I’m realizing the importance of memories and the sort of therapeutic effect writing in a journal has. And I want it to work for me, so I’m getting myself a journal. My birthday is coming up very very soon and it will be my present to me.... J And I just pray it helps- writing down my thoughts, truthfully, to only one person and at regular intervals. Who knows, one day it might become a best seller. Imagine, “The diary of ay”! lol.. Just kidding.

But seriously, I really think it’ll help me in finding that thing I’ve lost and to want to start creating stories again. 

Because after all, “Everyone has their own story to tell”... Now I don’t know who made that quote. Well...

That’s all...for now.