Monday 15 October 2012

Finding it hard to read and write


Hello!

So, of late, I’ve been finding it hard to read the books I love and to create stories of my own.  Right now, so many things overwhelm me and it’s like I’ve totally lost interest in anything possible. 

In the past I finished books quite readily: The Harry Potter Series, Chimamanda’s books, etc. However, now I find it hard to finish reading books. Starting is usually not a problem, but then when I read a bit, I stop and move on to another book. The only books I’ve managed to finish recently are “The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s wives”, “Letter to my daughter” and some time ago, “I do not come to you by chance.” 

I don’t know what the problem is, but when I pick up a book it’s like I experience some kind of strange dumbing down and I can’t even enjoy or follow through with it. I suspect, it might be I do not find some of the books interesting, maybe, because for example, I bought Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani’s “I do not come to you by chance” after “The Help” and it’s been two years since I bought the latter book and I’ve still not finished it. But the former, I enjoyed a lot and read the first half in a very short time took a break of about three months and then finished it. But it’ll be wrong to classify the books that way, because while I find so much pleasure in reading the “Diary of Anne Frank”, I’m struggling to finish it. It’s just odd. It might be also, that some books require much more understanding and analyzing (I could say that for ‘The Help’), while others can be easily downed like a cold glass of water on a hot day. So, I really don’t know what my problem is.

(I don’t read a particular genre) Some of the books I pray one day I will be able to finish. There’s still more, but mentioning them might amount to sacrilege. Some people might be shocked and with a smug look on their face say “so you are still reading that book/just reading it/not finished it...etc. Don’t bother guessing...:)


Recently, I’ve even been thinking maybe this whole reading/writing thing is not for me, because I just can’t seem to put pen on paper and I find discussions on writing somehow boring. I envy people that talk about finishing books in a day/in days!!

But I don’t want to conclude too early that writing is not for me, because of that inner yearning I have to really write something. This is probably a phase I’m going through. And I think I’ve also allowed fear to cripple me in so many ways. I have a list of so many things I want to be/ do in my head that I get so caught up in trying to finish everything at once. In between editing my project thesis, I was trying to keep up with “The Diary of Anne Frank” and also enjoy “One day I will write about this place” (which is a good read, by the way). Then somewhere in my mind I was also thinking and worrying over how to be creative with stories and struggled to write bad stories in small jotters. I’m overwhelmed by it all and I’ve set so many targets for myself, I just can’t keep up: Finish reading 10 novels before the year runs out, write many short stories before the year runs out, purchase a new set of books (when I’ve not even finished the ones I have), finish writing a book before my next birthday, search for places to get my internship done and get prepared for interviews, prepare for project defense,  start deciding what school to go for a Masters degree (that’s how I plan, long-term), update my blog more frequently, plan a trip..and a host of other things!!  Humph, it all gets tiring, all the planning and goal setting and I’ve had enough of being so scared and wondering what will happen if I don’t meet these targets.

So, I’ve made a decision. I’m going to take it one step at a time. After all, there’s a time for everything. So, I’m sitting down and trying to draw up a scale of preference and put what’s most important to me now at the forefront of my mind.

It’s all in my head, but now I’ve to put that down in writing.

While I’m trying to find my feet, I’ve decided there’s one thing I must do, which I don’t think I can go wrong with.

Start writing in a journal.

Yes. I used to write in one. A drab looking exercise book, but I think it got stolen or lost or something back in secondary school, then a friend of mine got me a fancy looking journal for my birthday 4 years ago. I wrote in it, but couldn’t keep up. Life/school happened. 

Now, my inspiration to write in a journal is back. I remember stumbling on Tommie’s blog some time ago and I noticed she kept a journal, so I sorta made a mental note to get one and even wrote something like that in her comments section. But I didn’t follow up on that at the time. Most recently, my inspiration really comes from reading the ‘The Diary of Anne Frank’ and I’m thinking, “Gosh, I wish I kept a steady journal from when I was twelve years old, just like Anne”. She reminds me of myself a lot. I’m reading her diary and I’m realizing the importance of memories and the sort of therapeutic effect writing in a journal has. And I want it to work for me, so I’m getting myself a journal. My birthday is coming up very very soon and it will be my present to me.... J And I just pray it helps- writing down my thoughts, truthfully, to only one person and at regular intervals. Who knows, one day it might become a best seller. Imagine, “The diary of ay”! lol.. Just kidding.

But seriously, I really think it’ll help me in finding that thing I’ve lost and to want to start creating stories again. 

Because after all, “Everyone has their own story to tell”... Now I don’t know who made that quote. Well...

That’s all...for now.

17 comments:

  1. I guess there are days reading just flows. I have been reading a particular novel for a long time now, and am wondering why its taking me so long to finish.
    I just bought 2 novels today,so now i really need to finish the one am on .

    The books you have there all look interesting. i have read atonement child and its a wonderful book. read it twice actually.

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    1. i have not been able to comment on any of your posts before now cos it just wont post (from my phone). Your blogs and 2 or 3 others.Am able to comment now cos am on a system. Odd.

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    2. Yes, I guess there are days when it just flows too.. But it's taking too long for me to get to 'those days'...:(. All the best, with finishing your books. I hope to finish mine soon too..*sigh*

      Now you're making me want to continue 'Atonement child'. I stopped at Chapter 1, early in the year. It's my first Francine Rivers (FR) book. Just had to get one of her books 'cause I noticed how much people are awed by her work and I wanted to see what it would be like to get bitten by the FR bug..lol.

      And oh!! I just discovered you've been following me for some time now. You're following as Sparkle2k3, abi?. Thank you oh. Been wondering who it is.
      I also have the same problem replying comments on my blog and making comments on other people's blogs with my phone. Sometimes it posts, sometimes it doesn't. On my laptop it's so easy.

      Thanks for stopping by and I'm glad you finally had a chance to comment 'cause you just made my day/night..:)

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  2. awww....did you say "finding it hard to read and write"?
    You just WROTE something about the hard time you've been having reading!!! for me, it's still writing!

    And for reading, I pray you find the drive.
    ...i think "the help" has a film though. Not sure if its the same as the film i saw.

    You'll be alright..

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    1. Abi... I thought of that when I was writing this post, but really the problem is I'm finding it hard to write fiction which is something I really love to do...

      Yeah, the movie is based on the book. I've refused to watch the movie since, 'cause I don't want it to spoil it for me. One day, when I finish the book I'll then watch the movie.

      Thanks for stopping by oh and welcome back. You presence here was missed.. :)

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  3. I think you just proved your title wrong by writing!
    Great piece!

    lazioman.blogspot.com

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    1. Lol.. Abi..
      Thank you, I'm glad you like it.

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  4. I totally get you though. I just loose my mojo somethimes but the good thing is, i always get it back. I've been reading Grisham's Litigator since May (shoot me now with a toy gun of course) and i have managed to read about 4books in-between but i just can't seem to finish it #shrug

    It'll pass

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    1. Yeah, it'll sure pass. Wonder why it happens sha.
      Thanks for stopping by

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  5. I can understand the losing writing mojo (that happens quite a lot with me... or maybe I'm just lazy *shrug*). As for losing reading mojo, that hasn't happened to me yet. If I like a book I finish it pretty quickly, though I might get slowed down by work. And I only read one book at a time.

    But I agree that writing this is something at least. I also find that when I cannot write, I sometimes write about that feeling, and it helps me.

    Anyway, I hope you get it back soon. I understand how frustrating it can be.

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    1. Yes, writing about the feeling so helps...
      It's really frustrating, but I know it'll get better.

      Thanks for visiting...:)

      Delete
  6. Sometimes I write down a lot of things I'd like to achieve and then after a while when I realise that I haven't achieved almost all of them in the set time, I find myself worrying and panicking and so all I resort to is delete all of the to-dos and then decide to do it one at a time. It's important not to overburden ourselves with wanting to achieve even though its a good thing because then it might end up taking the fun out of everything. Just enjoy what you do, I'm sure with it everything else will fall in place. Plus a journal is never a bad idea.. Adios!

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    1. Yes I agree!

      "It's important not to overburden ourselves with wanting to achieve even though its a good thing because then it might end up taking the fun out of everything."

      Thank you so much!!!
      And welcome to my blog!!

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  7. Your post just reminded of the writing deadlines that are staring hard at me right now. One has just to take things one at a time. Yes, it is quite true, so many things happen along the way to crumble all our plans, but I still believe when one does things one step at a time things get much easier.

    And about the reading thing, I can really relate with your experience. I have always had moments like that with books; times when you don't feel like going on with the reading. At these periods, what has always kept me going on was putting my mind on what it was financially required of me in getting such book, even when there were many other things I could have used the money for. That sailed me through reading at even the most dulling time.

    I like your new blog theme. It looks stylishly cool. *winks*

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    1. Yeah, one has to take things one at a time.

      Wow.. I like how you get around that reading thing.

      Thank you..:) Just thought to try something different.

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  8. hope this comment goes through oh... Been trying to comment from the last 2 posts :( what's wrong with ur mobile site too? :(


    I think its a phase jawe, don't let it cripple your dreams joor, you write good, and I think the journal would help

    + You shld read atonement child.... Love the book!! Read it more than twice sef, francine rivers is an amazing writer!!

    I so wish I knew where to get all these books point a girl in the direction, I'm ready to spend money on boooksss!

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    1. I'm glad you are finally able to leave a comment. I've missed you on this blog...:)

      Abi, it's a phase. Thank you.

      I think I will read that 'Atonement child' soon.

      There's this bookstore at Ikeja city mall or you can order books online from jumia.com, they have a wide range of books.

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Feel free to leave a comment. You can't tell how much that encourages me :)