Thursday, 8 December 2011

Does a man really have to decide for you?

So last weekend I went to get my hair done and in between all that salon gossip and cheery laughter I was able to stumble upon a topic that quite got my attention and has begged for my perusal.

There was this other lady woman that came to get her hair done and brought along her three and a half (possibly) year old child. The salon girls were talking about their friend *Ireti that had just gotten married. They said she used to be an apprentice in the Salon but didn’t wait to the end to finish her training. The woman who was also getting her hair done asked why and the ladies answered that it was probably her husband that told her to stop. They had no evidence, but they were 100% sure he was the reason why she had stopped. I just shook my head in my mind and just when I was wondering if everyone was going to start arguing among themselves that they wouldn’t do that for a man, the woman mentioned that most men usually dictated for their wives; that once you entered the ‘trap’ of marriage you were really in for it. She went on to say that for example her husband didn’t allow her to wear trousers out of their house. He preferred her wearing it within the home. The owner of the Salon was seemingly surprised and said rather jokingly, ‘Men sef. But if they see big bombom outside they’ll look o, but they won’t allow you look at the one they have at home’. They all laughed. I just pondered.

The woman continued talking. She said her husband was like that o, stating wht he wanted for her to be and what not. She said he honestly did not even want her to work and was always complaining that she didn’t have enough time for their two little children. Then she went ahead and made one statement that actually annoyed me; ‘If my husband was a rich man, I won’t even be working sef. If he ‘hammers’ now ehn, I will just stop working, sit down at home, rest well, open shop sef and start selling drinks nitemi jo’.

Really? An educated woman. A 21st century woman. What did she now go to school for? I mean she really sounded educated. She spoke impeccable English......*thinking out loud*

Well, seriously in my own opinion the woman did noy try sha.

For one, I will not stop going to school for a man (comparing it to the first scenario-the lady that stopped apprenticeship ‘cos of her man). Secondly, a man shall not dictate for me what I can or cannot wear. Thirdly, if a man does not support my dreams, I cannot marry him o. He should go and hug the nearest transformer (ooh that’s too cliche, I should have thought of something more intelligent and unique). Fourthly, I don’t believe marrying a rich man is where it all ends or that if my husband becomes rich I should become obsolete, somewhat. There is nothing a man can do for me, my Father in heaven has not already done for me and will still do for me. And lastly, me, open one soft drinks shop like that and sit down to a monotonous, less challenging life after five gruelling years of Pharmacy school? Ko ma possible  ke!!!

As the role of the woman has drastically shifted from solely homemaker to career woman plus homemaker, of course, I am however still of the opinion anyways that she should always take care of her home and her children, i.e juggling work with homemaking. It’s not easy, yeah, but man needs to survive. Women are becoming increasingly more independent, goal oriented and actually have dreams of their own, separate from their men. So, there is no reason why a man should insist that his educated (even if she’s not educated sef) wife, who probably has dreams of her own should ‘lose her life’ to be accustomed to his. A man should always respect the fact that a woman has dreams too and if he really loves her like he claims to, he would want to see her achieve those dreams and be happy.

IMO a man doesn’t have to decide for a woman how to live her life.

So what do you think?