Thursday, 8 December 2011

Does a man really have to decide for you?

So last weekend I went to get my hair done and in between all that salon gossip and cheery laughter I was able to stumble upon a topic that quite got my attention and has begged for my perusal.

There was this other lady woman that came to get her hair done and brought along her three and a half (possibly) year old child. The salon girls were talking about their friend *Ireti that had just gotten married. They said she used to be an apprentice in the Salon but didn’t wait to the end to finish her training. The woman who was also getting her hair done asked why and the ladies answered that it was probably her husband that told her to stop. They had no evidence, but they were 100% sure he was the reason why she had stopped. I just shook my head in my mind and just when I was wondering if everyone was going to start arguing among themselves that they wouldn’t do that for a man, the woman mentioned that most men usually dictated for their wives; that once you entered the ‘trap’ of marriage you were really in for it. She went on to say that for example her husband didn’t allow her to wear trousers out of their house. He preferred her wearing it within the home. The owner of the Salon was seemingly surprised and said rather jokingly, ‘Men sef. But if they see big bombom outside they’ll look o, but they won’t allow you look at the one they have at home’. They all laughed. I just pondered.

The woman continued talking. She said her husband was like that o, stating wht he wanted for her to be and what not. She said he honestly did not even want her to work and was always complaining that she didn’t have enough time for their two little children. Then she went ahead and made one statement that actually annoyed me; ‘If my husband was a rich man, I won’t even be working sef. If he ‘hammers’ now ehn, I will just stop working, sit down at home, rest well, open shop sef and start selling drinks nitemi jo’.

Really? An educated woman. A 21st century woman. What did she now go to school for? I mean she really sounded educated. She spoke impeccable English......*thinking out loud*

Well, seriously in my own opinion the woman did noy try sha.

For one, I will not stop going to school for a man (comparing it to the first scenario-the lady that stopped apprenticeship ‘cos of her man). Secondly, a man shall not dictate for me what I can or cannot wear. Thirdly, if a man does not support my dreams, I cannot marry him o. He should go and hug the nearest transformer (ooh that’s too cliche, I should have thought of something more intelligent and unique). Fourthly, I don’t believe marrying a rich man is where it all ends or that if my husband becomes rich I should become obsolete, somewhat. There is nothing a man can do for me, my Father in heaven has not already done for me and will still do for me. And lastly, me, open one soft drinks shop like that and sit down to a monotonous, less challenging life after five gruelling years of Pharmacy school? Ko ma possible  ke!!!

As the role of the woman has drastically shifted from solely homemaker to career woman plus homemaker, of course, I am however still of the opinion anyways that she should always take care of her home and her children, i.e juggling work with homemaking. It’s not easy, yeah, but man needs to survive. Women are becoming increasingly more independent, goal oriented and actually have dreams of their own, separate from their men. So, there is no reason why a man should insist that his educated (even if she’s not educated sef) wife, who probably has dreams of her own should ‘lose her life’ to be accustomed to his. A man should always respect the fact that a woman has dreams too and if he really loves her like he claims to, he would want to see her achieve those dreams and be happy.

IMO a man doesn’t have to decide for a woman how to live her life.

So what do you think?


  1. I agree with you, but the first thing is to only marry that man who is understanding and supportive of your goals in life.

  2. I think in one aspect you are right and everything you said made logical sense.

    However, I think some people although have education just want to live that kind of life. I have come to an understanding that the mental state of a person makes them who they are. Some have education but are not ambitious, some do not have education and THEY AMBITIOUS as anything.. Infact out of their lack of education, they have made millions and sent others through education with it(i know a personal story on this case).

    Acquiring an education is a benchmark set by society. In some aspects, it can be seen as meeting society standards of knowledge is power. But we all know there are different ways of acquiring knowledge not just through education although education is good and has it advantages. So yeah the lady opening a shop and selling minerals I do not think its a bad idea if that is her dream and goal in life. I have learnt to respect people's decision even if I will not advise it. You never know what that opportunity can do for her.... You find inspirations in the least place.

    Re: the subject of a husband dictating what his wife can do and not do again will depend on the mental state of the man/woman. It takes two to tango and people will generally agree on something to get something. Nothing is for free in LIFE... EXCEPT everything concerning God. Although, it seems her husband in charge of her, do you know what she is getting in return by obeying HIM. NO. We don't.

    Moral of the story is: education does so little when it comes to the mental state of humans. So on that note: when people are educated I assume nothing infact I tend not to question their motives surely they must be aware of their thoughts/actions. Being educated, can mean nothing to an extent.

    Re: the lady that left her apprenticeship job. I think it is wrong to assume. ASSUMPTION can lead to speculations, which leads to rumour and eventually leads to a story that is being tagged on the person. I know a saying that goes " Rumours are designed by enemies, spread by ignorant and received by fools".
    So be careful what people say and tell.

    Sorry to provide a long essay. I am a deep person.

  3. Myne, that is so true. Thanks for always stopping by.

  4. @Daughter of her king. Thanks for visiting my blog and following and also for the long essay!.

    At first I thought I put up a new post without knowing it.

    You actually made a lot of sense. We definitely can't understand why some people do the things they do, so it's better not to judge.

    Thanks again.


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