Sunday, 2 December 2012

Tribalism or what?


Hello guys!!

Hope you are all doing great and having a wonderful month. I wish you all a blessed and happy new month.

How time flies. It just seems like yesterday when we began the year 2012. 

I am really thankful to you all that read and commented on my last post. It is all very encouraging. You guys are part of the reason why I find the zeal to come back. I pray you all find complete happiness and fulfillment in all your endeavours. Amen.

I’ve been just here and there. Working part time and anticipating my graduation day. What to wear is somewhere at the back of my mind.. I’ve not gone back to driving. Not yet. Will get back to it sometime soon.


So, on to today’s post


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Recently, I was chatting with a guy and somehow our chat narrowed down to a discussion on relationships and what ‘tribes not to marry from’... Weird topic in my opinion.

Okay, so after the whole exchanging of pleasantries and all, this person let me know  that, ‘he can never allow me’ (I’ll choose myself, by the way)  marry a man from Remo, Ogun state. Of course I asked why now? 


Please, just ignore the typos












His reply was quite daunting at first and at that moment I couldn’t believe I was in the middle of such a chat. I expected much more from this person.. or am I mistaken?

The chat didn’t end there. He went on to let me know that Igbo people are worse and that also he cannot marry an Egba girl (another tribe in Ogun state), because “they mess around and kill their husband at the end so they inherit his properties” (in his own words).

At this point I was irritated and let him know I am of the opinion that a person’s tribe, or whatever stories and myths were attached to the tribe do not determine who the person really is or what they’ll do in the future. You can’t judge a person based on their tribe.

He sent me a picture of an Egba girl he once dated, a career woman who also attends his church. He said when he heard the story, he immediately broke up with her, although he loved her...Hmmmm.

At this point I don tire.

He then said, after that he dated an Edo girl, who he's no more with. I asked sarcastically “ So Edo girls are not bad”. He answered that “they are ‘bad’, but some parts like Ishan are good”.. My word.

He ended everything by saying he cannot marry from Ijebu-ode ‘lai lai

I told him to kukuma not marry sef, especially as most of the tribes he had rejected are even from his State.

I was very disappointed in this person. Or maybe I’m over-reacting, but seriously I was oblivious to the fact that people actually consider these things. I don’t just believe it’s okay to judge anyone based on their tribe or whatever. Because, in fact there are many people all over from various tribes who have never been to their village and don’t know where it exists. And so just because, you have some story about their tribe doesn’t mean you’ll judge them based on that, because some people are just a product of the environment they have lived in mostly irrespective of where their family originates from. And good and bad people exist, but it all depends on the individual person!! And a life partner should be chosen on the basis of their character and other important qualities, not tribe!!.

This person thinks I’m too naive and that I need to grow up.

But seriously, I don’t see why I need to or why I need to change the way I think for that matter. Maybe, I’m too naive, or too westernized, or I don’t watch Africa Magic Yoruba movies enough, all I know is tribe doesn’t matter.

Abi, what do you guys think?

I didn’t want to blog about this at first, because I consider it really unnecessary to have a discussion on, but I just wanted to get other opinions,  as the matter don tire me..

Till next time. Take care and stay blessed....:)





25 comments:

  1. Tribe doesn't matter at all. I think people should be judged by the content of their character according to MLK.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The guy is being honest, a lot of people think that way but may not say it. Some stereotypes are true, a yoruba person is more likely to prostrate or kneel to elders than an Igbo, for instance, or prefer ewedu to oha soup, but I agree that when it comes to character, people are individuals first.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really?... Hmmm...I guess you're right.
      This is why I wanted to get other opinions..

      Thanks for your comment.

      Delete
  3. For me, tribe doesn't matter these days anymore because a lot of people don't grow up or start their lives for their "villages" so to speak sha, where they are influenced by the cultural traits, still everyone is unique and some people don't necessarily have those traits well maybe except the ones that pick it from their parents.

    So, my point? Its possible diff people have those "generalised" traits but still we should give everyone the benefit of the doubt and not jump to conclusion that because someone is from somewhere they are bad people because that way we won't give ourselves the opportunity to meet amazing people!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are so many amazing people out there, irrespective of their tribe. I agree.

      Well said!!

      Delete
  4. I agree with Myne I guess he is being honest but I do think he is narrow minded to an extent. Oh well, with time he will realise it not always like that. But I must say, western people also have stereotypes and reservations about people of themselves and other ethnic minorities or culture. Therefore it not about western or naivety etc some of us are just open-minded and we allow ourselves to give people a benefit of the doubt and not put them in a box.

    In Nija there is intense tribalism, however it I think it alot better now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, Myne made a good point.

      Hmm...

      Yeah, I guess it's better now..

      Delete
  5. This is quite an interesting topic...Well I ws hving a convo with sm1 recently and I asked her;"what state are from?",she replied me and I said;"wow!are u serious?".She reacted;"what do u mean?,am I not smart enuf to be from that state?"
    Well my point exactly is that pple frm diff tribes hv diff traits attributed to the them,these traits+their culture+their upbringing n environment+inherited traits frm their parents n sm etc factors contribute to "making the individual"
    Sm1 who breaks off his engagement to sm1 from d same tribe cos she's an "osu" (outcast) what do u call that by the way?I personally may not consider marriage to pple from certain tribes no matter my exposure cos of my mindset,that's y its my mindset

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmmmm... You've made a good contribution..

      Your opinion is highly respected.

      Thanks for dropping your comment...:)

      Delete
  6. I like the comments I'm getting on this blog post..
    But I'll just like to say that where I majorly had a problem with this person is his mention of 'jazz, killing, rituals, inheriting properties....' Just feel that's way too shallow/narrow minded a way to think..

    I agree different people have different general traits influenced by the tribe they are from etc.. Mode of greeting, dressing, cooking, etc.. But now judging people based on 'deeper' issues like their tribe's use of jazz and doing rituals etc.. is what I have a problem with..

    Thanks guys, for your comments..:)

    ReplyDelete
  7. There is no where in the world that they don't "do jazz" n "bad bad tins" its probably more pronounced in some places
    I know some deep "jazz" places in republic of Benin

    ReplyDelete
  8. well i think the guy just said the minds of a lot of nigerians. we are very tribalist. The igbos and the yourbas fight, etc. I know a lot of my friends who had problems marrying people not from their states, some of them had to break up the relationship, some stood their grounds at the expense of their families not being at the wedding etc.
    jazz and rituals, a lot of tribes in Nigeria are guilty of it, in fact all tribes. that said, I think nobody should be judged because of their tribes. the yorubas should stop judging other tribes as being rude, because they don't kneel down to greet, the igbos should stop judging other tribes because they aren't good business people.
    As for me i have decided to learn not to judge people based on where they come from, especially when i find their traditions and beliefs strange. www.secretlilies.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We still have a long way to go..

      Thanks for stopping by..:)

      Delete
  9. I just believe people often reflect their environments and their family exposures more than they would of their origins. The origin stereotype is what the society believes anyway and when you want to go against it, it is you against the majority, against the society.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I agree..

      Thanks for your comment...:)

      Delete
  10. Tribalism is still a touchy topic even among educated people. Each family has their own story. Reasons why they can't forgive a particular tribe or have their children marry from that tribe. To each his/her own really but I can't wait to see a Nigeria where people aren't judged based on their tribes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't wait myself oh...

      Thanks for stopping by my blog!!!!

      Delete
  11. I agree with Myne that, to an extent, stereotypes can be true. And they do serve for great comic material, don't they? :-D

    That said, I personally don't put much stock into where a person is from. My parents are from different states and speak different languages and are reasonable (although my dad did make a tribalist statement once that shocked me), and both my sisters are married to non-Igbo men. I believe in judging people on an individual basis. And like Daughter of Her King said, oyibos too have their own stereotypes, so it's a world thing.

    I just hope that for this generation, we can get to change the way we think and maybe raise our children differently. But with what your friend was saying (and there are others like him)... well, is there much reason to hope? Me sef tire.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really look forward to raising my children differently oh.
      Let's keep hoping.

      Thanks for stopping by...:)

      Delete
  12. The one thing I have noticed about people from Ogun state is that the various tribes originating from the state do not mix. The Ijebus always have something against the remos or the Egbas.


    I was having a conversation once with an aunt and the topic was about how bad ibadan men are. Their women are said to be good but their men are said to be disasters, how true this is I would not know.

    Deep down we all are tribalistic and racist, we might not show it to the world but base our decisions on this thinking. Your friend was just been outspoken about his. It is not just a Nigerian thing, it is everywhere in the world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree on that Ogun state thing, what with what my friend said.

      Yeah, thinking things through now, I'm beginning to agree it is everywhere in the world..

      Thanks for your comment..:)

      Delete
  13. Wooow. I think it's interesting that young folks today still believe in tribalism. Personally, I do not. I look at the person's character, strengths and weaknesses. I really think it's absurd. If we complain of acts of racism by other races, how can we have a ground to stand on when 'we' as a nation are still stuck in ways that support division in our country. There's that saying, I am my brother's keeper, and I am my sister's helper. If a Hausa boy falls to the ground in the middle of the road, that matters to me even if he is not my brother. If an Igbo woman is on verge of death on a sick bed and needs money for operation, that matters to me even if she is not my mother. At the same time, if I see a calabar woman, who's character and love speaks to my deepest vision as a man, that would not prevent me from marrying her even if she comes from a different tribe. I didn't mean to write a long speech, but I do not support the stereotypes and tribalistic ways.

    Lazioman.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very well said. It's shocking to find out how tribalistic people can be.
      Thanks for your comment :D

      Delete
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